In the past, I may have chose to show pity towards myself in the fact that my husband doesn’t do Valentines day. This year I was close to doing it again.
When I asked him through our on going Google hangout chat we keep during work, “Would you like to celebrate Valentines Day or act like its just another day?” His response was, “Well…I guess it doesn’t matter to me.”
Any girl would think to themselves “Well obviously we aren’t then because it takes your intention to bring romance, chocolates, and rose to the evening!” Then just to be sure that he wasn’t on board with my idea of Valentines day, I asked one more reassuring question, “What were your intentions before I asked?” Response: “Hadn’t thought about it.”
Even though he asked later on, “You have ideas / something you’re wanting?”
(Mind you, these are our exact words) It didn’t mean anything to me because I was upset that he didn’t just know that it is expected of him to have this planned days in advance with tons of surprises, right?
THEN I stopped.
I stopped thinking about myself.
My husband is not evil for not meeting all my unspoken expectations for Valentines Day. In reality, he owns a business, which means he doesn’t punch a card at 5pm and call it a day. Many works days for him last over 12 hours. Also, he manages / helps with, I think I can say they are, “non-profit organizations” such as his mentoring / co-op blogging website, themajestysmen.com, volunteering to help maintain our church’s website rockhillchur.ch, help running a side business with his friend sozo.do and much more, including loving his wife by setting up a website for her to blog her life away as she pursues many areas of her interests that he supports.
You may be thinking that no matter how busy a person can be, he should (perhaps because our culture tells us we should) love his wife , by giving her that “romantic” Valentines Day.
This is how I see Riley’s mind working, valentines day is like any other day and any other day he works hard to appreciate his wife, or often called “wif” (who knows why?) when asked why doesn’t he like celebrating specific holidays.
This is true. I know he loves me and appreciates me.
[Gives me constructive input on my recipes]
[Helps me put into action my ideas in the garden]
[Builds me a website simply just because I asked – which he knows in all reality I hate writing. I have a math degree. He did it anyways]
This one you’re reading this on!
[Helped make my kitchen into my favorite room in the house!]
This year I WAS NOT going to subscribe to self pity. Poor me? NO. Just because my cultural perception of Valentines Day is all about me, the women, and how my man should spoil me . On what grounds do I even have to expect this of him? I don’t.
Marriage is about you giving yourself first to your spouse and then crazy enough it’s often times lovingly reciprocated. It’s hard not to love a person that is pretty darn good at loving you, right?
Either way, if my husband does or doesn’t choose to respond in love to my love, I am satisfied honoring my commitment – the one I’ve seen modeled by Our Creator God through his continual love towards his adulterous people to the point of great sacrifice.
I’ve hinted that in the past I have subscribed to self pity on Valentines Day. I have. Because I wanted to take instead of give in my marriage. What did I get?.. you may ask.:
A discouraged husband that felt like all his love he has shown towards me what not valued or appreciated all because he didn’t give me one rose or a romantic dinner.
A sad wife that feels like her husband resists every request she asks of her husband.
This year I will choose differently. Instead of wishing and hoping I receive some pinkified, chocolatafied act of appreciate from my husband and being sad if I don’t get it. I’m going to surrender the desires I have for myself and choose to seek out a way to love and appreciate him.
So here it is:
My Valentines Day gift to Riley
I have 3 gifts for you this Valentines Day! See below how I want to love you!
Riley, thank you for the blog! I know you value blogging for many reasons and would like to see me pursue it for myself and for others.
My first real blog post RIGHT HERE – TO YOU!
Riley, while you never complain about me not knowing enough about your work and hobbies, I’m sure you would appreciate me spending time reading, taking interest, learning, and coming up with feedback on all that you do.
Please review the comments I left on your web posts. I want you to know what I think of your work. I’d love to follow up and talk more about your posts/ideas!
Riley, I want you to experience a personal touch from my life Giftings – assumption made that my hobbies and interests are intentionally given to me by a creator.
I’ve made you sourdough biscuits, homemade vanilla nut ice cream. I’ve also made a foot scrub to massage your feet while you and I discuss all your hobbies and interests with my background of reading and absorbing your posts. My hope is that this time will make you feel like I have valuable feed back and I can help you further your investments.
I’m sorry I’ve selfishly thought of Valentines Day many times before.
Feel Loved, because you are!